Stop Doing and Start Being

Please stop. Please stop doing and start being.

I am a person who believes the Bible is the word of God. The words the authors of the various books of the Bible have written are words that are God breathed. When the apostle Paul, for example, wrote a letter to a church or a group of churches, I am sure members of the church excitedly received such a letter from the apostle and gathered around to hear it read. As they listened, I am also sure that they, knowing these were the words of Paul, equally believed these were the very words of God to them.

 

Our God has worked in history. The Bible does not give us mythical stories about creation or human life, failure and rescue. When God called Abraham, he called a real person to leave his home and family and travel to a new land. When God spoke to Moses, there really was a burning bush that was not consumed. God really did rescue the descendants of Abraham from their slavery in Egypt. A real person was born in Bethlehem, having been conceived by the Holy Spirit of a virgin mother. Jesus really did die on a cross. Jesus really did rise from the dead and ascended to heaven.

 

Some of these historical facts, in which God has acted in our world, are easier to believe than others. Some require an act of faith, others are demonstrably provable historically. Not any of these historical facts, however, tell us anything about God of themselves. The fact that the descendants of Abraham escaped slavery in Egypt is a historical fact. What makes us believe that this was God’s gracious rescue of his chosen people is not the event itself but rather what God says about the event. In the Bible God tells us what this event means. Likewise, the crucifixion of Jesus is, on its own, simply an historical fact. What makes us believe that this one crucifixion, among the thousands of the time, provides the unique act of reconciliation between a holy God and a sinful people, is what God says in the Bible about this one crucifixion. Our God has acted in history and has explained to us what and why He has done what He has done. The facts of history mean that what God has done is real. What God says about those facts of history gives meaning to them.

 

We are so often told by well-meaning preachers that here are the facts of history, here are the facts of what God has done, therefore, this is what we must do. Many a preacher, looking at the book of Amos, for example, will tell us that God’s people, who had been rescued from slavery, were now enslaving others. God’s people, who had been shown the richness of God’s mercy, were now oppressing the poor to gain worldly riches. Then the application is given, telling us what to do. We must fight against slavery. We must work to improve the conditions of the poor among us. Fighting slavery and helping the poor are indeed very good things to be doing, but such an application of Amos misses what God says about these historical facts.

We miss what God says because we are so focused on doing and not being. So focused on action rather than listening to God.

 

The message of Amos is not about anti-slavery or alms for the poor. It is a message that even God’s own people are so desperately corrupt and wicked that they cannot rescue themselves from this nature. They need a Saviour who can do for them what they cannot do for themselves. The book of Amos points forward to this Saviour. When a person comes to know this Saviour our whole perspective on life changes. We become a different person. We no longer live, but Christ lives in us.

 

The problem is that our preachers keep telling us what we must do as though, somehow, having received the grace of God, we can now operate independently from it. No, we can’t. Having received the grace of God in Christ does not mean we are now capable of putting an end to slavery and poverty. Yes, the grace of God will raise our compassion and should stir us to work hard to end such scourges on human life and dignity. But more important than our work, is our being. You and I cannot solve the problems of the world. The poor you will always have with you. What we can, and must, do is point people to Christ who is God’s gracious gift to us to rescue us from this body of death.

 

What do we say to the cancer patient who has been told there is nothing more that can be done medically for them? Do we come in and try to do something the medical profession has been unable to do? Well, frankly, yes. We will pray for the miracle, but sometimes that is just cruel. We have to stop trying to do something and just be someone. That someone is the person who knows the grace of God in the Lord Jesus Christ. There may be no solution after all medical interventions. People die every day. None of us can expect to get out of this life alive (unless the Lord comes first). We will all die. There is nothing we can do about it. But there is something we can be about it. We can be that person who knows the grace of God and that in Christ is the solution to life.

 

We need to stop doing stuff as though it depends on us to solve the world’s problems. We should fight against injustice and poverty and search for cancer curers, but we do it, not for the sake of those solutions in themselves. We do it in Christ. We strive to be there for people as though Christ is there, Christ who has done it all. Bringing justice and health to a hurting world, to hurting people, is to bring Christ into our midst. We should stop trying to solve the world’s problems. Christ has already done that. The best we can offer to the world is to be in Christ and bring Him into this broken and divided world.

Sneaking up on Jesus - A Helpful Look at Psalm 4 on approaching God in Prayer

Joshua was a young man in his mid-twenties. He had been sick for a long time. He had seen many doctors, some of whom were helpful and some not so much. Joshua had also tried all sorts of alternative treatments, but his chronic condition remained. He told the chaplain that in so many ways he felt like the woman with the flow of blood (see Mark 5:25-34). Nothing had cured him, but he really didn’t know how to, “sneak up on Jesus”, as he put it.

Such an interesting expression caused the chaplain to ponder just how a person should approach God. He thought about the Psalms and the raw, honest approach to God the psalmist demonstrates in so many ways. Joshua seemed to be thinking that one had to manipulate God to get one’s way.

 

By actively listening to this young man’s story of chronic illness the chaplain was able to follow the process Joshua was going through. By process, we mean the story a person is telling themselves about what the events of their life mean for them. Ultimately the events are not so important. Each of us reacts to life events in different ways. We will also react to the same events differently at different stages of our life. What is important in pastoral care is to note how those events are affecting a person. It is important to understand what those events mean for the person. What is the story they are telling themselves?

 

By asking the question, “what is the story they are telling themselves?”, we understand that people attribute meaning to life’s events. That meaning will be different for each person. It will be something like, “When you say those words, I feel …” or, “when that event happened, I felt …” The feeling a person has following certain words or events is the story they tell themselves about themselves. To finish those sentences above would look something like this: “I feel sad,” “I felt as though my world had collapsed.” Another person might finish the same sentences differently, such as, “I felt so happy,” or, “I was overwhelmed with joy.”

 

Each of those responses could be to the same words or the same event. That’s why pastoral care focuses on the process. The process is about how a person responds to events that happen to them. Helping a person acknowledge the process they are going through will help them to better cope with the words spoken to them or the events that have happened around them.

 

The story Joshua was telling himself was a story that misunderstood who Jesus is and how we can approach him in prayer. The chaplain’s first task was to help Joshua acknowledge his unhelpful and unbiblical process. The next task was to show him how he does not need to “sneak up on Jesus” but can approach him confidently and boldly.

 

Psalm four provided the chaplain with a basis to show Joshua the confidence he can have in approaching God in prayer. This Psalm begins standing in front of God and making a bold statement, “Answer me when I call”. There is no pleading. There is simply a direction to God from the psalmist to answer his prayer. This boldness is only possible because the God the psalmist appeals to is the “God of my righteousness.” The righteousness of the psalmist does not come from himself. It comes from God. The psalmist is also bold because he has known “relief when I was in distress.” Presumably this is his past experience, and he is therefore confident that God will do it again. And finally in v. 1, it becomes clear that the psalmist is not simply demanding God to do for him what he wants. He recognises that God will answer his bold prayer because of the fact that God is gracious towards His people.

 

In v.2 the psalmist addresses those who are oppressing him. “How long,” is a style of lament yet it is not addressed to God but to the oppressors. It is a cry to the oppressors that they lie in regard to the human condition as it is meant to be in God. Honour is turned to shame. They “love vain words and seek after lies.” Chronic illness falls into this category. While we live in a fallen world and illness and death are realities, the ideal life is one that prospers and knows abundance. Illness and death are things to shake our fist at because they are not the way life is meant to be.

 

Verse 3 also expresses the psalmist’s confidence in God and here provides an answer to the question he put in v. 2, “how long?” The answer is that the Lord has set apart the godly for Himself. The psalmist puts himself in this category of the godly. This is not the self-righteous but simply those who know their God. It is these whose prayers are heard by God. And therefore, the question of, “how long?” falls into insignificance because the godly one belongs to the Lord and therefore their prayers are heard. The question of, “how long?” directed at his enemies is not a plea from the psalmist for them to stop. Rather, it is an expression of ridicule. The psalmist is saying to his enemies, “How long? Don’t you know that God is in charge? You are wasting your breath. Your lies will not stand in the judgement of God.”

 

“Be angry, and do not sin,” are words directed by the psalmist to his oppressors. It’s like he is telling them, “Do your best, but don’t bring your lies before God.” He then tells his enemies to think about this and be silent. In other words, the lies his enemies are speaking against him will not stand up before God. The lies Joshua was telling himself, that he was somehow a lesser person because of his chronic illness, were not words that would stand in the presence of the God who had died for him. Joshua needed to understand that he was a person created in the image of God and his illness had not diminished that image.

 

Verse five is further advice from the psalmist to his enemies. It is positive advice to offer right sacrifices and trust the Lord. To Joshua, in his chronic illness, this advice is a recognition that God is in control. One must approach Him acknowledging His lordship. For Joshua this led to an understanding that the lie he was telling himself in the process of dealing with his illness had to submit to the Lordship of God. He needed to recognise that he was not a lesser human because of his illness, and he had to understand that he could approach God directly, sincerely, confidently and did not need to sneak up on Him.

 

Verses 6 & 7 together are a recognition that joy comes from the Lord. The psalmist has experienced the joy of abundant food and good wine, the good things of this life. He recognises, however, that God gives him so much more joy than these. This is what knowing God achieves. The process and the story that Joshua needed to begin to tell himself is the truth that God is far greater than anything else he might experience in life, whether that be the abundance of a rich life or the pain of chronic illness. Joy in the lord is so much better than these. Knowing the Lord and this joy in Him helped Joshua to begin to tell himself a different and a truer story about his chronic illness.

 

The Psalm finishes with a great confidence that, even though his enemies may still lie at hand, the psalmist will lie down and sleep because the Lord alone keeps him in safety.

 

Changing the story he was telling himself about his circumstances became possible for Joshua when he carefully studied the Scriptures. Doing so focused his attention on God and showed him how much greater He is than any chronic illness. Joshua needed to learn that life is not about sneaking up on God but facing God directly in truth. He came to understand that that truth is honesty about who he is and who God is. It is the truth of facing God realistically.

Triangulation and Process

This post is by David Pettett. The events described here are real. Names and some details have been changed to maintain confidentiality. This story comes from the book, Pastoral Care: the Core of Christian Ministry by David Pettett.

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Kerry’s husband fell over when he was drunk and broke his leg. In hospital he fell out of bed and broke his arm. Kerry complained about his poor treatment, but the hospital staff seemed to ignore her complaints. Not knowing how to take her complaint further, and being worried for her husband’s safety, Kerry was setting herself up for an unhealthy dose of triangulation.

Kerry fell into the trap of seeing the hospital staff as her persecutor. Consequently, she took on the role of the victim. Kerry went to church the following Sunday and told anybody who would listen how frustrated she was with the hospital staff because they didn’t seem to take her complaints seriously. By talking to anyone who would listen, Kerry was looking for a rescuer. Everybody she talked to obliged her by doing just that. Everybody agreed with her, that she was being treated poorly by the hospital staff. But none of this “rescuing” helped Kerry. The rescuing reinforced for her that she was the victim. As she continued in the role of victim Kerry continued to look for a rescuer. None of the sympathy she got gave her any help.

 

By trying to empathise with Kerry, and agreeing with her that the hospital staff should do something, the people Kerry shared her frustrations with were only reinforcing Kerry’s idea that she was the victim of the hospital staff’s persecution of her. Under normal circumstances trying to help Kerry by giving her some direction on how to approach the hospital staff with her complaint would also be of little help to her. Giving advice confirms Kerry’s role as a child or victim just as much as the rescuing attempts keep her in this role.

 

At one point Kerry’s pastor heard her complaining to another church member. He joined the conversation and when Kerry said how badly the hospital staff had treated her husband and how they were ignoring her complaints, the pastor simply said to her, “Yes, but it really upsets you, doesn’t it?” Rather than agreeing with her, that she was a victim, the pastor focused on how it was all affecting her. She replied, “Yes” and began to cry. From that moment Kerry stopped telling anyone who would listen about her frustration with the hospital. She stopped looking for rescuers because the pastor’s simple words had helped Kerry identify her real problem. She was frustrated with the hospital staff and was probably also angry with her husband because he had been drinking when he first fell. But her real issue was how it was affecting her emotionally. Because Kerry’s pastor didn’t play the role of rescuer but identified what was really upsetting her, she was able to move on.

 

In pastoral care we need to be aware of what role the person is taking on for themselves and what role they may be wanting us to play in their “drama triangle”. The pastoral carer needs to be aware of this and to be careful they do not play an inappropriate and unhelpful role. The pastoral carer must be careful they do not become a rescuer. A pastoral carer should never play a role in a drama triangle.

 

Kerry’s pastor stayed out of the drama triangle because he understood the process that was going on in Kerry’s mind. The hospital staff, while obviously unhelpful, were not persecuting her. She was not a victim, and she certainly didn’t need rescuing. The pastor identified the process in the story Kerry was telling herself. She was upset by all that had happened, but she wasn’t allowing herself to acknowledge this. By identifying her own pain, the pastor had helped her in the process of dealing with the pressure that was on her. The important thing in understanding process is to listen to the story the person is telling themselves. The facts of the incident are almost irrelevant. What matters in process is what the person believes those facts are saying about themselves.

 

I want to suggest that in a very real sense the drama that Kerry is involved in is irrelevant to the pastoral care we can offer her. Rather than get involved in a person’s situation, the pastoral carer focuses on the process.

 

Notice Kerry’s reaction when the pastor made the observation that she was upset. She cried. All previous responses to Kerry’s complaints resulted in people trying to rescue her. The real empathy of her pastor identifying that she was upset gave Kerry such relief that she cried. But it did more than that. After her pastor identified that she was upset, Kerry no longer felt the need to go about telling anyone who would listen about her very frustrating situation. Knowing she was not alone, gave her empowerment. The pastor’s question has helped Kerry identify how she has been personally affected by what’s been happening around her. Up to this point no one had identified what Kerry was feeling, not even Kerry herself. Once that feeling had been accurately identified, Kerry’s attitude to her situation changed.

 

People will often tell you that what helped was, not advice, and not agreeing that these things shouldn’t happen. What really helps is when someone just says, “Yes. That’s how you feel, and that’s OK.” In effect this is what happened for Kerry when her pastor accurately identified that her situation was affecting Kerry’s emotional response. Notice that he did not even identify the emotion. All it took was for him to accurately identify that Kerry was affected emotionally. In all previous encounters, Kerry’s emotional response was not acknowledged.

 

This is what I mean by paying attention to the process rather than the situation. To pastorally care for Kerry in her situation, attention is not given to the events but to Kerry’s response to the events. Attention is paid to what is going on for Kerry. Attention is paid to Kerry’s emotions. This is the process.

 

In paying attention to the process, pastoral care pays attention to the person’s emotions. Pastoral care is all about listening, not just listening to the story but listening for the person’s emotional response to the story they are telling us.